Why ARE the holidays so stressful anyway? I was fine until I called my Mother to find out what time Christmas Eve dinner started at my Grandmother's house and I get "I don't know. Six I guess. Be there at 3." Um. First of all...we are NOT going to go anywhere and sit for 3 hrs before dinner, sit for 1.5 hours AT dinner (11 people there....Polish tradition to have everyone pass a wafer to EACH person wishing them well) and then God-only-knows how long sitting there afterward opening gifts.
Second of all, (ya, I know that was a long first of all) I am 29 yrs old and married. I will not be told what time to be somewhere unless it's an official appointment of some sort...which this is not obviously.
Jeff and I, as a married couple, can decide what time we are going to show up. We are responsible adults and know that showing up 15 minutes before a planned dinner time is not acceptable. I know my Mom gets suuuuper stressed out when it comes to any gathering with the in-law family and I don't exactly know why. Her family (consisting of 2 grown daughters and a son-in-law and husband obviously) are who we are and her stressing and "social reminders" are not going to change our behaviors, as our behaviors are pretty much set at this point. If you need further explanation as to what I mean by "social reminders," here are a few:
- At a cookout this past summer, she "reminded" me to say goodbye to the hostess as we were leaving, to which I "reminded" her I was almost 30 years old and DO NOT need her social reminders.
- She routinely "reminds" me that my Grandmother really enjoys our monthly lunches and that I should call her soon. Mind you, Grandma and I have been doing these monthly get-togethers for almost a year now and I have yet to skip a month except October...the month we got married and went away the following week for a job conference.
- She always "reminds" me that it's my Godson's birthday etc. even though I told her time and time again that I am no longer buying him anything except a nice card because my years of giving him gifts (Christmas ones at least) have never been acknowledged, and I have never been thanked for them either in person or in a card. This may be a slightly different scenario but bugs me nonetheless.
- I am "reminded" to offer to help clear the table, do dishes etc. (or even handed a dish rag) when at family gatherings. This is all BEFORE I have been given a fair chance to be able to offer on my own, which I would most certainly do.
I will stop there because I think you get the picture. And now that I look back on what I wrote, I see that this stress/anxiety of hers reaches far beyond the holiday season, but is obviously worse around now. My solution so far has been to keep away from her at these gathering as much as possible. It sounds mean because she's my Mom but it's either that or get super annoyed and say something that I'd feel guilty about later. And I don't want to do that because...
Santa Claus is coming to town.
Merry Christmas to all and see you after January 9th...when we return from our 11 day honeymoon in Tahiti, Moore and Bora Bora! yaaay! :-)
