I love-and hate- very passionately. And that's both served me well and caused me pain. It doesn't matter if it's friendship or romantic love.
I have some old friends whom I love dearly and we've been friends for years. Our friendships have been so easy and drama free and never once have I felt that I valued the friendship more than they did. It's always been 50/50 most of the time and those numbers go up and down as our lives change and we may need more support in a situation. But I know I can always count on them. We may not talk for months at a time but I know that I can call them up and/or get together with them when I'm in town and we will inevitably get to laughing about something from our "youthful days." And it's wonderful and it makes me smile just thinking about it.
But then there are others who I have never felt pulled their weight in the relationship. But I held on. For some reason, I don't really know why. It was rarely 50/50. I always felt that I cared more. And that our friendship/relationship meant more to me. This has happened in both friendships and romantic relationships and for the latter I always tried to do it like Patty Griffin says: "But you must always know how long to stay...and when to go." And that's what I would do. Some times were harder than others. Sometimes I had a really hard time letting go but I knew that that's what had to happen and so be it.
So why is it so hard for me to do that with friendships as well? Why is it so hard for me to abandon an obviously sunken boat? People would say things to me like, "Wow, I can't believe XXX wouldn't do that for you when you gave so much." Or "it seems like such a simple thing to do (or say), why did it always have to be you to do (or say) it?" I never had an answer. Even long after I said goodbye I would make excuses for those situations. But that's actually what led to this post. Why am I making excuses? Isn't this another favor I'm doing, another act of caring that I'm exhibiting when I would never get the same in return? Yes. It is. That brings me to a song that came on my iPod the other day. It took me by surprise actually because the last time I had really listened to it was when I was going through a tough breakup with a guy I said had a heart of stone. That strikes me as funny now, actually. It's "Cry" by Faith Hill.
Could you cry a little
Lie just a little
Pretend that your feeling a little more pain
I gave now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me
I don't think he cried after I left. In fact I'm pretty sure he didn't because almost exactly a year later he was married. Here's to moving on...a talent some of us never seem to master. And something that some of are all too good at.
