So this may come as a HUGE surprise to you but sometimes (okay most of the time) when I drink what little filter I have essentially disintegrates with each drop. Typically not a huge issue because if I do say something cringe-worthy, everyone else is drunk enough to 1) either not notice or 2) not remember. Me, on the other hand, rarely (for reals) gets drunk enough to forget shit. That's both a blessing and a curse.
So my last post was about this new restaurant where I work and where the other workers are kind of rude and standoffish to me and the male bartender seems to HATE me for some unknown reason. I had planned on, at some point, coming right out and asking him what his deal was. Weelll...I thought about it and had an opportunity or 2 but I didn't. Instead I gave him a hard time re: a margarita situation from before. I was sarcastic and sickeningly sweet and I actually got a smirk. Actually I'm not sure he knew what to make of me.
ANYWHO. Fast forward to the end of the night. Something had happened with my last customers that upset me. Basically they blamed me for something I didn't do. I felt really badly so I asked the "other new girl" if she wanted to have a drink and she said her friends were stopping by and I could join them. So I did. And another "old, existing" employee with HER friend had been there for a few hours drinking as well. So we all got to chatting... I was only going to have ONE drink but then new girl had another so did I. I was only part way through that when she and her friends had to go. So I was there with old girl (I'll call her Cathy) and her friend. I started talking to them and somehow mentioned that Tom the bartender (Is that what I dubbed him in the last post?) seemed to hate me because he was essentially always a jackass to me. She laughed and said he was that way with all the new girls and then called him over and told him I said that. He seemed genuinely surprised but that conversation essentially broke the ice with him. The chill subsided and I was SO RELIEVED! To the point where Cathy and her friend went out to have a smoke and Tom actually came over to me and was making small talk. I was like FINALLY!
Fast forward to 2 shots and 3 more captain and cokes for a grand total of 5. Cathy mentioned Tom's WIFE coming in earlier with their daughter. I had met the daughter and she's a cutie pie but I just caught a glimpse of his WIFE and, no joke, I thought it was his MOTHER. Now I don't remember now what she looked like other than she had white blond hair in kind of a 50-ish year old, layered bob. Kind of the hair that elegant, rich older woman have. But from what I remember, she did NOT look like the wife of a 36-year old man. She looked to be in her late 40s, early 50s. No I didn't do the math of "if he's 36, she's got to be at least 55 or 56 and does she look that?" So anyway...Cathy mentioned his wife coming in with Sarah and I blurted out, "he's married?! That was his wife?! I thought THAT WAS HIS MOTHER." Yes. I did. No, really I did. Open mouth, insert fucking punch in my mouth.
Now I don't know if he heard this conversation, and I wouldn't have been surprised if he did, but regardless, he will have found out about it. No matter how nice Cathy is, her loyalties are with Tom, and that's not surprising. She doesn't know me. However, this interaction took place a little while after she said that "out of the entire round of new hires, I am (you are) the only one that I have not heard one person say a bad thing about." Nice. Now I deserve a fucking pat on the back after my little performance this is SURE to re-piss Tom off. For reals this time.
Buuuttt...just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...
During the "that was his wife" conversation Cathy mentioned something about the wife being a hair dresser and I have NO CLUE how this word/subject came up at that point or immediately thereafter, but a discussion of someone's "rack" was taking place. So in my alcohol-slowed brain, I'm still kind of in the "omg he's married and his wife came in, I thought it was his mother and she's a hairdresser" mindset when I said "wow...Sarah has it made when she gets older!" During the "rack" conversation they were having, mind you. I had inadvertently made that comment about a 2-year old, to which Cathy replied, "I don't think Tom wants to think about his 2-year old having a "rack." OMFG. This is a true story. I was like, "no! omg I mean having a mother as a hair dresser! I have a friend who does and she always had the most beautiful hair growing up!" Buuutttt...the damage was done, I suppose. I don't remember at what point this conversation took place and I don't know how long I was there after but I definitely felt like the pedophile, inappropriate creepy new girl at this point. All because my timing was horrible, I wasn't paying full attention to the conversation around me, my communication skills were seriously lacking and my filter could've used a few patches at this point.
Everyone was very nice until I left but of course, with my way over-reactive brain working for the last 2 days, I'm dreading going into work. Again. For a completely different reason. I feel like I went from FINALLY being accepted (to a certain degree, at least) to being the new girl who had too much to drink, acts like a fucking creepy retard and shouldn't be allowed to drink with them ever again. Not that I'm going to. God only knows what'll come out of my mouth then.
I'm totally paranoid that the entire staff has heard of my terrible faux pas. I was supposed to work tonight and was kind of looking forward to it to gauge the damage however the other new girl said she'd take my shift (I had asked her early Wed and she said she couldn't at that time but texted me a little while ago.) I could really use the time to pack and get ready for NY but I struggled with the desire to get this "first meeting after THAT night" over with and deal with any repercussions there may be. J thinks I'm completely overreacting and paranoid and blowing things out of proportion in my head and way over thinking things. GOD I HOPE SO! I haven't been able to think anything else since then.
I just have to keep this in mind: the damage (if any) is already done. I had probably been talked about, maybe even in a negative light, but there's nothing I can do to control what people say and think about me. I made a mistake drinking too much around them in my attempt to "fit in" and it may have very backfired on me. Which is something I have to deal with, unfortunately. We'll see tomorrow night. I work with both Cathy and Tom so...